I really needed to read this today. My daughter is 19 and her relationship with her father/my husband has gotten to the point of her not talking to him. She says he neglected her when she was younger (he'd let her watch tv after school instead of playing with her); he would put her down (he'd tell her when she would do something wrong and she didn't like it), and how she grew up in an abusive environment. It kills me to see this happening but when I try to intervene I get told that my husband (he's a few years older than me; we had her when I was in my thirties) had groomed me and I have no backbone, otherwise I would have divorced him already. I don't want to divorce him, nor do I want to be stressed to the point where I can barely breathe. I keep blaming myself for everything - I should have done more, I should have insisted on therapy, I should have been stricter with her - and it doesn't help that 'everyone else' around us is perfect, with perfect families, perfect houses, perfect everything. We gave her all the love we could and now we get accused of being abusive and neglectful. :(