Alcoholism runs in my family. My mother is an alcoholic have me stressed out as a child so what do I do? I follow her footsteps. I seriously need a drinking like I can drink every day wine liquor. I’ve gotten the DUI before I’ve gotten into arguments with people I, just do the most irrational things and I’m tired of apologizing for my behavior that never seems to get better but only get worse and I have to be an adult and realize the drama and trauma. I’m putting myself in loved ones as well. I believe my friend was yesterday. I was at a Fourth of July barbecue, and I was already drinking before I even arrived , we drink tequila and I had a few mixed drinks wasn’t eating much and boom. I’m drunk. I have a best friend my love dearly like like a sister and she’s had to tell me on several occasions how I’ve made her feel uncomfortable by perhaps touching her or doing something out of line and I’m always apologetic lying telling her im Go to watch my drinking monitor my drinking it never happens. I don’t remember much of yesterday I don’t know if I was annoying her, but she had bent over to tie her shoe and I don’t know if I touched her shoulder or her back or maybe I snapped her string on top. I don’t know stop and I did stop, but she probably was just annoyed throughout the whole day Were supposed to watch fireworks and she ended up leaving and not coming back. I haven’t heard from her at all today. She just recently snapped on me for an incident that I did last weekend. I don’t recall grabbing her neck and she’s telling me not to touch her and I’m like, but I don’t wanna Touch her like that opposite of me and I hate for someone to make me feel uncomfortable so why would I do that to someone that I love but I totally oblivious to these things if that makes sense just to point now. I am just sad and sick by my behavior and the way that I make someone that I care about feel like . It’s so wrong I don’t wanna hurt her, but I always end up doing it at least most of the time so based on yesterday I don’t know I’m just gonna quit. I don’t even know if she’s willing to talk to me. She’s probably just tired of saying the same thing and I understand, I don’t want to understand if people keep violating your wishes and she said she felt lightweight and that made me feel bad and I’m just like why can’t I respect peoples wishes and boundaries when I’m drinking like that is just insane to me I had a crush that was at the barbecue with me and we were pretty touchy Philly at the friends house. That’s also embarrassing to me because that’s totally not even my character but That’s what happened and I’m just like this has to stop it stops with me. I don’t even wanna tell anybody that I’m gonna quit. I’m just gonna quit. I just have to because it’s never gonna get better. It’s only gonna get worse and I don’t need any consequences other than the ones that I’m facing based on me and my drinking habit . I feel so terrible for not respecting my best friends boundaries. I don’t even know if we are friends after this. I’m just gonna give it to God and refrain from drinking alcoholic beverages so I can remember and be accountable as an adult.