Coping with Internal Conflicts in DID When Parts Disagree

Coping with internal conflicts in dissociative identity disorder (DID) when parts disagree with you or each other is an important DID coping skill. After all, relationships can be difficult. Occasionally, people have arguments with friends and loved ones which causes friction and disagreements. Often, the same challenges present themselves within the systems of those with DID. Parts can experience friction and conflict and have arguments with other members of the system. Without working to understand and meet the needs of other parts, an internal conflict in DID can ensue while each alter attempts to have his or her own wants met.

Coping with Your Parts' Internal Conflicts in DID

Understand Their Needs

One of the first steps in dealing with the DID internal conflicts with which my system copes is understanding what each part needs from the system and then negotiating with him or her on how to meet those needs. I first question my parts:

• Do you need attention?
• Do you need soothing and nurturing?
• Do you need to express anger or hurt?
• What can I do to help you?

With competing agendas and desires from every part, validation and interest in their needs are essential to meeting everyone’s wants in a healthy way.

Understand Why the Internal Conflict in DID Occurs

Each of my parts is trying to do what is best for him or her in the best way he or she knows how. It is important to keep in mind that parts were created because others could not cope with the trauma. So when members do what is best for themselves, it is not out of selfishness but is a survival technique and a reaction to enduring long-standing pain. When my parts know I understand what they’ve been through and that I value and appreciate them, they are more flexible and willing to compromise within the system.

Finding Peace Among the Internal Conflicts in DID

Sometimes compromise is easy for my system; other times we struggle. We always encourage parts to express themselves and what they need in a healthy way. We know if our parts will bend and understand we all have a need, then the whole system has a better chance of agreeing, acting in harmony with each other, and compromising. Appreciating that each one of your parts is just trying to make it through each day as best as he or she can, helps every system to cooperate and to diffuse the internal conflict in DID.