Self-Compassion and Bipolar: Benefits and How to Practice

I recently started wondering if self-compassion can help with bipolar disorder. This is because I'm in a dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) group, and people there seem crazy about it. It's also something I tend not to show myself. I have my reasons for being that way, but I'm reconsidering whether self-compassion can help with bipolar disorder.

Why I Don't Show Myself Self-Compassion with Bipolar

I admit it; I'm not big on self-compassion. It's not that I don't think other people with bipolar should show themselves self-compassion; I do; it's just that self-compassion has never been something I've shown myself.

And there's a reason for this. It's because I have an inner drill sergeant who runs my life. This inner drill sergeant is very important to me because he's what drives me to do anything. As a person with severe depression, I have no motivation, so screams from my inner drill sergeant are the stand-in.

Additionally, I'm often dealing with really awful things like the pain depression brings, and showing myself self-compassion about it has always read a little too close to self-pity for me. I try to take the stiff upper lip approach and move forward.

I'm not suggesting that any of this is the best way to be; it's just the way I am.

Self-Compassion Helping Bipolar?

But, as I said, self-compassion is a big part of the DBT group I'm in, and DBT has, indeed, been shown to help people with bipolar disorder.¹ Additionally, according to Dr. Emma Seppala of The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford, there are scientific benefits to self-compassion. These benefits include an increase in productivity and a decrease in stress. Additionally, self-compassion leads to greater resilience, strength, and happiness.²

And if self-compassion can offer all those benefits to people with bipolar disorder, then I guess I'm all for it.

How to Show Yourself Self-Compassion When You Have Bipolar Disorder

Showing yourself compassion usually involves three steps. They are:

1. Feeling your emotions without judging them or over-identifying with them (mindfulness)
2. Understanding that we are not alone in our suffering; pain is a part of being human
3. Showing yourself kindness, just like you would a friend

(I've used the typical self-compassion steps and broadened them slightly to take general pain into account. Self-compassion is usually applied when we've failed, but I think we can use it with any type of pain.)

An example of self-compassion for someone with bipolar disorder might be:

1. I am feeling the pain of depression. I recognize this feeling without judging it or getting lost in it.
2. I know that suffering is universal. I am not alone in my pain.
3. I will be kind to myself. Being my own friend helps me more than being my own taskmaster.

I'm Trying Self-Compassion with Bipolar Disorder

I'm trying to use the above formula with my bipolar disorder. The jury is still out as to how it will go. My understanding is that self-compassion needs to be a consistent practice and that only develops over time. The steps can feel very forced initially but become more ingrained the more you do them.

I'd love to know in the comments if you find self-compassion useful when coping with bipolar disorder. 

(Self-compassion encompasses much more than just the above. If you're looking for more information, try the resources at self-compassion.org, written by Dr. Kristin Neff.³)

Sources

1. Jones, B. D. M., Umer, M., Kittur, M. E., Finkelstein, O., Xue, S., Dimick, M. K., Ortiz, A., Goldstein, B. I., Mulsant, B. H., & Husain, M. I. (2023). A systematic review on the effectiveness of dialectical behavior therapy for improving mood symptoms in bipolar disorders. International Journal of Bipolar Disorders, 11(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/s40345-023-00288-6
2. Seppala, E. (2023, March 23). The Scientific Benefits of Self-Compassion - The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education. The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education. https://ccare.stanford.edu/uncategorized/the-scientific-benefits-of-self-compassion-infographic/
3. Self-Compassion. (2024, July 9). Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff: Join the community now. https://self-compassion.org/