Forgiving Yourself for Embarrassing Drunken Behavior

Alcoholism runs in my family. My mother is an alcoholic have me stressed out as a child so what do I do? I follow her footsteps. I seriously need a drinking like I can drink every day wine liquor. I’ve gotten the DUI before I’ve gotten into arguments with people I, just do the most irrational things and I’m tired of apologizing for my behavior that never seems to get better but only get worse and I have to be an adult and realize the drama and trauma. I’m putting myself in loved ones as well. I believe my friend was yesterday. I was at a Fourth of July barbecue, and I was already drinking before I even arrived , we drink tequila and I had a few mixed drinks wasn’t eating much and boom. I’m drunk. I have a best friend my love dearly like like a sister and she’s had to tell me on several occasions how I’ve made her feel uncomfortable by perhaps touching her or doing something out of line and I’m always apologetic lying telling her im Go to watch my drinking monitor my drinking it never happens. I don’t remember much of yesterday I don’t know if I was annoying her, but she had bent over to tie her shoe and I don’t know if I touched her shoulder or her back or maybe I snapped her string on top. I don’t know stop and I did stop, but she probably was just annoyed throughout the whole day Were supposed to watch fireworks and she ended up leaving and not coming back. I haven’t heard from her at all today. She just recently snapped on me for an incident that I did last weekend. I don’t recall grabbing her neck and she’s telling me not to touch her and I’m like, but I don’t wanna Touch her like that opposite of me and I hate for someone to make me feel uncomfortable so why would I do that to someone that I love but I totally oblivious to these things if that makes sense just to point now. I am just sad and sick by my behavior and the way that I make someone that I care about feel like . It’s so wrong I don’t wanna hurt her, but I always end up doing it at least most of the time so based on yesterday I don’t know I’m just gonna quit. I don’t even know if she’s willing to talk to me. She’s probably just tired of saying the same thing and I understand, I don’t want to understand if people keep violating your wishes and she said she felt lightweight and that made me feel bad and I’m just like why can’t I respect peoples wishes and boundaries when I’m drinking like that is just insane to me I had a crush that was at the barbecue with me and we were pretty touchy Philly at the friends house. That’s also embarrassing to me because that’s totally not even my character but That’s what happened and I’m just like this has to stop it stops with me. I don’t even wanna tell anybody that I’m gonna quit. I’m just gonna quit. I just have to because it’s never gonna get better. It’s only gonna get worse and I don’t need any consequences other than the ones that I’m facing based on me and my drinking habit . I feel so terrible for not respecting my best friends boundaries. I don’t even know if we are friends after this. I’m just gonna give it to God and refrain from drinking alcoholic beverages so I can remember and be accountable as an adult.

Alright, time for my horror story. I came here like most of you to find ways to forgive myself.
I've been single for a long time, by choice, after a toxic relationship. I moved to this place where it seems most men are not serious; they're all looking for something casual, and it inevitably surfaces sooner or later.
At some point, I went without intimacy for three years. I met this guy at a party who was 11 years younger (!), but since I look very young, the age gap wasn't obvious. I told myself, "What the heck, let's try something more casual for once in my life."
We started seeing each other with clear terms: it was supposed to stay casual and not lead to anything serious because of the significant age gap, his intention to leave the place soon, his recent breakup, and our incompatible lifestyles in the long run.
We met once a week, had great dates, conversations, lots of affection, and amazing intimacy. Of course, I got attached... but I managed to keep myself in check to some extent.
He told me about his ex, who is a guy; he's bisexual. His ex cheated on him, and they broke up maybe three weeks before he met me.
So, last Saturday, I went to this party and got completely wrecked – I mean, completely. No one could control or stop me. I was at this party with his friends and his... ex.
His ex is a DJ and wanted to play some music. I approached him and said some awful stuff like, "Why did you cheat on him? You're a sl**t," and other things. It was absolutely horrible and appalling, especially considering I'm usually the kindest, most considerate person alive. The guy got so angry he started shouting at me, wanting to call security and whatnot.
I stayed with his friends, being the most annoying person alive, repeating the same story over and over. Everyone had enough of me and looked at me like I was crazy. They wanted my other friends to take me home, but they couldn't control me, so they gave up and left me there... alone to keep ruining my life.
I texted the guy I'm seeing that his ex went all psycho on me – well, actually, it was the other way around, but I was too wrecked to understand.
He came to pick me up, and everyone looked at me with plain hatred. He took me to his place, and we spent a day and two nights there. I started realizing a bit of what happened; I was completely blacked out, but I could remember some things, and my friends told me the rest. I apologized profusely, even though I couldn't remember everything. He said it's okay, we all make major mistakes sometimes, but he asked me to promise to never do anything like that again. I cried all morning and made a promise to him.
I went home and texted him again to apologize, as well as all the other people I could think of, including his ex.
Two days passed, and he texted me that I have more feelings for him and we should stop. To a certain extent, it's better for me because I wouldn't have the willpower to stop, and I would only get more and more hurt, falling deeper for him while his mindset remained clear.
But at the same time, the self-loathing after making a complete fool of myself in front of his friends wouldn't leave me alone.
Your stories helped me a bit, guys.

I went walking with man my man friend who l thought lvwasnin a relationship with….last summer we walk around the beach area in very hot heat…For some reason l drink a lot of water, then later we hen out for a nice dinner…I didn’t make l had a portion of bread .like l also due. Hen ate dinner and had one glass of wine…Then we went back to my condo and l remember two words my boyfriend said to me he “l know you at least l think l do” and the rest of the night l do not remember, l black out. I even put on a new outfit to go to bed in, not remembering anything… The next morning l was in shock and couldn’t talk or look at him l was so embarrassed…He was totally discussed with me and showed no empathy or concern…He said l talked a lot, and just stirred at me…With l grap his suitcase and ran stairs and as l passed him he said to me l am not coming back…Then he ghosted me and l have not heard from since, l devastated!

I’ve been six glasses of wine a day for years. I sit out on my front porch, chain smoke, drink, and go on social media or listen to music. I would often post overly-sentimental and embarrassing . stuff I would cringe about and delete the next day. One night, I blacked out and screamed a bunch of racial slurs at my Mexican neighbors. For no reason. I didn’t particularly like them as people, but half my family is Mexican so it made no sense. I would NEVER do something like that and I don’t recall any of it. Complete and total blackout. Except my husband told me what I did and that he heard people talking outside the house later that night saying that “you should call the police on those people”. I have been laying low ever since. Basically hiding, quiet as a mouse. There have been times before where I thought I had hit rock bottom. Missing a few days of work or booking up with someone I would never be into sober. But this was definitely the lowest and most insane thing I have ever done. I realized if I had gone to treatment earlier things never would have escalated to this level of insanity.

I had many embarrassing moments when I get drunk with my friends. Recently, I was at a friends place for Halloween party, and I asked my friend's girl out for threesome (which I dont remember at all). I actually dont even remember talking to her at all. His girl got upset and told her guy about this, and the guy came over to me in anger and started fighting. I had to leave the party with my close frinds (who came with me). The worst part of the incident is that I do not remember me talking to his girl at all.
This incident has made me realize that I need to stop drinking so much. I simply lose my senses.

Myself and partner both had an embarrassing night. My partner got blind drunk and passed out. I checked on him and he seemed okay. Then I look again at him and he has pulled his penis out in front of everyone and starts peeing while sitting on the couch. I am shocked embarrassed surprised and react like a crazy person. I scream and yell at him for doing that. Today I hate myself for reacting that way in front of all his friends. I’m embarrassed for him and myself.

I am really glad I found this page. It has always been so hard for me to forgive myself. I have gotten slowly better but I need to quit all together because even I'm tired of myself. I got drunk the other night and cussed out someone I really cared for. I am giving them space and have deeply apologized and respect if they never want to speak to me again. However I am hoping this was the last incident until I start AA.

I’m 17 & I’ve been binge drinking ~4 times a week now for about a year and a half. I’ve been experiencing more blackouts since i had a really bad one about 3 months ago when i mixed alcohol & muscle relaxers & hit my head so bad i got a concussion, bleed everywhere & puked blood for days. i’ve had two other significant blackouts that’ve impacted me heavily since then. about a month after the first instance i fell & hit my head again except this time i just kept falling & hurting myself while my super duper amazing friends just watched. last night i went over to the house of a family friend of my best friend & started drinking, my friend blacked out & passed out on the couch about 2 hours in & i had to interact with the family where i pretty quickly blacked out. i yelled & talked back at one of the occupants of the house, got emotional over my previous sexual assault experience and all in all held the attention all night. the owner of the house called my friend’s mother (who already doesn’t have the best opinion of me, i can’t blame her) to drive 45 minutes and come pick us up. i really wanted to impress the woman who’s house we were at but we started partying with her & we did adderall along with drinking & i guess i just couldn’t stop myself. i’m so embarrassed i’m struggling fighting suicidal thoughts which i haven’t even had in over a year. i don’t know what to do i live in a small town i feel like i can never leave my house ever again.

I have a similar story. I (19) was invited to a small party by a friend I’ve known for a couple years now, though we haven’t hung out much. It was at her house and her parents were out having a good time with their friends, so they weren’t home. She (my friend) invited 7 of her other friends from both school and work, so it was 9 of us in total. We mostly just talked, listened to music, and drank (albeit, pretty cheap and sweet liquor, which was my first mistake). First I just had a bottle, which had an alcohol percentage of 4.5, not high at all. Then we all had a shot of vodka. Then there were some gummies with CBD and THC passed around, and since I never had one before I decided to eat half of a gummy. And about 10 minutes after that I wasn’t really feeling much effect of anything, so I decided it was ok for myself to drink just a *little* bit more. Mind you, I ate a couple of times before I started drinking and was nibbling and sipping water while I was drinking, too, so I thought I would be safe from getting drunk. Wrong. I thought it was ok to drink some more vodka, about 4 shots worth in the span of 2 hours. I’m a 5’2 girl (who also doesn’t drink very often and didn’t drink nearly enough water at the time), so it effected me pretty quickly after about an hour-ish. I went from kind of shy from meeting new people, to a little more like a sociable, normal person, to cool, to very outgoing, to obnoxious, to drunk rather quickly. Luckily, the obnoxious and drunk parts didn’t come till the party was almost over, so some of the people had left by then. Needless to say, though, the cheap and sweet alcohol was a very bad call bc I vaguely remember walking to the parlor in my drunken stupor, dropping my phone (which now bears a large crack on its screen thanks to my clumsiness), sitting down, saying I don’t feel well, and having a bag put in front of me, then promptly barfing chunks into it, turning to my friend saying “I’m so sorry,” then turning back to the bag to barf once more. Somewhere in between there her mom (who had at some point during my drunken haze returned home along with my friends dad) gave me some hangover cure (my friend’s Korean) and then about 2 minutes later I was picked up by my stepfather. I never told my parents that I would be drinking, so naturally my mom was fuming when I came home at 00:00 piss drunk. Though neither of them found out that I blew chunks at my friend’s house either, I’m happy about that though bc I’d never live that down and would be grounded to high heaven. I went to bed when I got home after my mom tried to argue with me (I was drunk so that wasn’t happening), then I texted my friend when I got up hours later telling her I was so very sorry and that I don’t usually get like that when I drink (though I don’t drink often, I’ve drank large amounts, but have never ended up like that), and that next time I see her family I will apologize in person. My friend said that it was ok and that she’s glad I was ok and that I had a good time, but I still feel very ashamed and embarrassed. She hasn’t texted me again since then and it’s been almost a week now, so I don’t think she wants to talk to me and I want to respect her space, so I don’t plan on bothering her. I really appreciate her as a friend and I feel that my getting drunk and barf-fest along with my annoying behavior will make her not want to see me or hang out with me again, which I wouldn’t blame her bc I can hardly stand to look at myself right now. It’s likely that I won’t see her other friends again (not that I don’t want to, but they’re her friends not mine), but I do want to still be friends with my friend, though I feel like I’ve messed it all up and ruined our friendship. Also, my mom eventually talked to me and said that now I’m older and going out on my own I need to take better care of myself and take responsibility for my actions because getting drunk was reckless as I could’ve been robbed, raped, or even arrested (which in that circumstance feels highly unlikely, since it was a very small get together and pretty low key), since I’m technically underage to drink where I currently reside. Or that I could even choke on my own throw up (which scared me when she said that bc I thought she found out I threw up, but she meant it as an example, like “if I threw up”) and have to rely on the others to help me, and that how could I be sure I could I trust any of them to help me since I knew none of them personally and wasn’t that close to my friend (though I have a pretty good intuition about people and know she is a good person, so honestly I would trust her bc she already did take care of me and made sure I was ok). She also asked, “is that how you want to be remembered, the girl who got drunk when meeting her friends and then no one will want to invite you anywhere again or even worse,” as she put it, “be invited to parties because you’re the girl who got drunk,” which she said is worse. While it hurt to hear, I think she made a good point. Ultimately, I’ve decided that I need to be more conscious of what I drink and how much of it I intake and in what span of time. I don’t want to be a burden or an embarrassment like that again, and I’ve chosen to forgive myself and use it as a learning experience for how not to behave at parties and the importance of taking things slow so as not to go beyond my limits and realizing that there is no need to rush, I am there to have a good time I can remember.

I never thought my drinking was a problem but I embarrassed myself so much last night and I feel so ashamed this morning. I went to a work party and hadn't had much food, we finished work and went straight to the pub followed by going to a bar where drinks were free. The problem when I drink is I feel completely fine until I realise I have drunk way too much and it's bad. On the tube home last night I started to feel really sick so tried to hold it in, this resulted in me spray vomiting on the tube and it going on strangers who obviously moved away and were not happy about this, I feel so bad and guilty for this. Luckily one man was so nice and gave me a bag and tissue. At this point I was covered in vomit myself and still had about 30 minutes on the tube. I was so embarrassed as was still vomiting (once on the platform even) and I could smell the sick so anyone near me could too. To end the night I left my phone on the tube which was luckily enough picked up by someone who I've managed to contact.
I'm 24 and vomiting on people in public is just not acceptable, I've never felt so embarrassed or bad in my life. I didn't realise my drinking was a problem until today as I only really socially drink but if I'm doing things like this it's not ok. I've realised today that I need to change something and be more aware of how much I drink and the states I get myself in when drunk as I never want to feel this embarrassment again. I keep thinking how I'll be the story that these people talk about and have so much anxiety over it, I'm very glad they were all strangers as at least I will never see them again but that doesn't stop the embarrassment.

My drinking has taken on a whole new level since my break up 3 years ago. I drink myself into oblivion every weekend, I have low self worth and zero confidence, I think that nobody loves me so why should I love myself?..thing is that I am a good person, when sober I am a fantastic mom, I work hard..but there's this deep rooted sense of self hatred.. I just feel like I don't belong in this world. So, on many nights of my drunken nights I end up kissing random dude(s)...I live in a small town so everyone sure knows of my antics and are definitely judging me... this last weekend was definitely the worst, I was kissing and grinding on this guy in the pub in front of lots of people, some have brought it up.. I have cried and I often wonder why guys look at me as easy, well its because of my drunken behaviour...I will remind you again I'm not at all like that on a daily basis. I'm ashamed of what I'm becoming, I feel my reputation, and that of my sons and families will be totally destroyed...
I know I need some intervention before it takes my life away..

I just recently blacked out and I have had the worst anxiety about it. I ended up peeing on the back porch at the person’s party (i’m a female btw) and a couple people saw me but i’m so embarrassed by it and i’m not sure how to deal with the embarrassment. I want to apologize to the owner of the house but him and I havent exactly been on good terms for a while. At the same time I just want to drop off the face of the earth and not drink anymore. I just want to feel better by this somehow and somehow move on from this

I'm 16 and 2 days ago I got blackout drunk for the 1st time at a fair and I don't even remember getting brought home, I hardly remember what I did but I remember enough to know I lashed out on my mom and her friend, it's shameful but I know I was screaming and crying , I really don't remember pretty much anything but from what I was told by friends and my mom how I acted was just shameful and I feel bad like really bad I remember at some point for some reason I was down the street talking to to no one very loudly I wouldn't be shocked if I woke my neighbors up
I don't remember even walking down the street or going home and what I do remember is very blurry
I lost my phone to and a few other things mostly just upset about my phone though
but I'm not planning on drinking anymore addiction runs in my fam and I know I'm going down a bad road with how much I be drinking all the time but getting black out drunk and acting like I did really just proved I'm going down a bad road
my grammar is def bad while typing this bc I don't feel like going over it lmao but end of story I'm not drinking again and even if my mom offers me just 1 shot I'm not accepting that anymore

I was in a bad mood for few weeks and I accepted to go out with a boy that I only knew for a few months. We went to the bar and I saw the people that I live in a same hostel and I go in a same school that I don't really talk to some of them. This boy invited his friends, I thought I could trust him because we lived nearby and we went out a few times and the personality I saw from him was just being nice, We ordered a bottle of tequila, he and his friend were eating food so the only one that drank the most of the bottle was me. After a few minutes I remember I was dead and passed out on the ground, He wasn't that drunk and he was a few years older than me, The only thing I remember is that he opened my mouth by force when I was passed out with the closed eyes and he kissed me in front of the people that I see more than 4 times every day, I was friend with some of the boys and girls but mostly they were boys. When I woke up I was in a hotel alone and I found out that i threw up and puked because there was vomit on my clothes. I started packing up and I came back to the hostel, I saw a few girls and boys so I asked them what happened, They told me after the kiss I was shouting and throwing up everywhere and telling my friends that I'm prettier than them. They told me the cops saw u on the ground so they took pics and we forced to bring you to the hotel because you couldn't go hostel with this situation. They told me that it's ok and this is happening to everyone. But i feel so disgusted by the boy who kissed me by force in front of everyone, I don't remember anything else what if he touched my body in front of them or what if I did stupid thing and they didn't tell me to makes me feel better. I wasn't feeling embarrassed in front of some boys and girls but I was feeling so bad and stressed with the people that weren't my friend and cleaned my vomit and carried me and saw the worst of me specially because I knew some of them were playboys and the girls who talk about you everywhere. I still overthinking and sometimes when I see them throw the window I can't go outside for buying stuff or going to school. I even sent text to all of them that I was sorry and thankful and talked to few of them. I mean they saw me kissing and throwing up everywhere, I didn't want them to think that I'm an alcoholic or someone who making out everyday and going out with older boys.

Yesterday afternoon I met up with my sisters and their friend in downtown. We got lunch but I had like two bites because I just wasn’t feeling very hungry, but I was on an empty stomach. I drank a pretty strong margarita and then had a shock top after. I was pretty buzzed and feeling good, and then I left them and walked across the street to meet up with my boyfriend and his friend at a brewery. I drank one beer at each brewery we went to, and stupidly ordered the beers with the highest alcohol content. I ended up having like 3 or 4 beers, each beer having between like 8-10% alcohol in it. Now keep in mind I was still on an empty stomach, I wasn’t drinking water though I normally do when I go out drinking, plus I’m not a very big person, I weigh about 135-140 lbs. Anyway, I blacked out before we left the bars and my boyfriend wasn’t aware I had drinks before meeting up with him and I guess i’m good at hiding how drunk I actually am, so he didn’t know how trashed I was. We drove separately so apparently I went to my car and drove to the weed dispensary (because I have my medical card) and he said he saw me driving and that I was swerving and he tried to call me but I didn’t answer. At some point he lost me on the road and I remember being at the dispensary and buying a weed pen (I can’t imagine being the person that rang me up for it.) I don’t remember leaving but I wound up at my parents house later on in the night. According to my sisters I came in and started smoking the weed pen and then I fell over and knocked a nightstand over. When I look at what time I purchased the pen and then what time I came to at my parents house, there’s 2 hours of missing time. I think I was following the gps to get somewhere to go hang out with someone, I’m pretty sure I was driving more than I remember (thank god I didn’t get into an accident or get pulled over.) I was still pretty drunk when my memory starts to come back to me later in the night, I tried to leave their house and my dad wouldn’t let me drive, then my boyfriend came to pick me up (keep in mind I hadn’t answered any of his 15 calls all night and he didn’t know where I was,) so when I finally talked to him he was pretty pissed that I wasn’t communicating with him, but he picked me up and my family all came out to the street when I got in the car and started yelling at my boyfriend, blaming him for getting me drunk and for me almost leaving to drive to his house even though he didn’t know how drunk I was or really anything that happened with me after the bars. I had the worst hangover anxiety late last night and still kinda have one today. I called out of work because I just needed to take it easy today. That’s probably the worst drunk incident I’ve ever had or ever had people seen me have. I don’t EVER act like that drunk or not. Im very embarrassed and ashamed by my behavior and I literally never wanna drink again. I feel really dumb. Hopefully I can recover from the embarrassment soon!

I've known that I was an alcoholic since I was 17 years old. I'm 36 now. Throughout the years I've been in and out of AA with some years of sobriety in between a few months of drinking. Lately I've been drinking once a week at home (without my parents and sisters knowing) and I felt I had self-control for once in my life. I convinced myself that my previous alcoholic tendencies were a thing of the past. It's probably because I'd mainly drink beer and would only buy 4-5 cans and that would be enough. I'd just eat food right after and then go to bed.
However, during the past three weeks I've been adding hard liquor like rum and the past couple of nights I finally lost control. On Sunday, after a get together with some friends (without drinking because my sister was there), on my way home I then went to a liquor store and bought a small bottle of rum. When I got home I drank, listened to music and then became so drunk that I made an ass of myself on the Twitch chat, asking if the host thought I was pretty (my god!). I always had this thing about not feeling pretty enough because my sisters look like models. Anyway, I drank at 10pm, ended at 6am and then woke up at 3pm. I woke up with a slight hangover and decided to go to a bar for one Bloody Mary for my hangover. Welp, it didn't end there! I then drank a Margarita, a Corona, a Negroni, and then a Manhattan. Before I knew it my speech was so slurred I could barely talk to the other bar patrons. They were very patient with me but also looked at me with concern. I was aware of how drunk I was but no coherent sentence would come out. I then decided to walk across the street to a Latin bar/restaurant to get some food and more alcohol. I was the only woman there besides the waitresses. I totally lost control. I invited this homeless looking guy to sit with me so I could pay for his dinner. I remember saying to one guy, "God bless your mom." Most of the guys probably felt pity for me. And then I remember talking to this guy who so happened to be friends with a family friend of mine but he was more than 20 years older than me. I could barely talk but he started touching my private area and made out with me and I tried pulling away. He even said that I'm not pretty but I'm not ugly either (I probably asked him if he thought I was pretty.) But for some reason after the restaurant closed I gave him a lift to his house. I'm so ashamed that I drove drunk on top of it all. I think I was supposed to go over that guy's house but thank god he was so fed up with my drunkenness that he hopped out of my car. I'm thankful that I snapped out of my drunken stupor enough to drive home safely, but still! I woke up a few hours later and I realized I lost my glasses and I woke up with a cold sore on my lip! I feel so ashamed and dirty. I haven't bar drank or have been physical with a guy in over three years. I felt so down and hungover that when I was buying new glasses the workers asked if I was ok. I know I can't continue on like this and I know I will get through this embarrassing event because I've been there a thousand times before. I'm just sad that I'm 36 and still haven't grown out of this behavior. My twin has been sober since she was 24 but for some reason I just can't get it.

My boyfriend and I had a house party on Saturday. I was pretty stressed about the entire thing leading up to it as I’ve never hosted anything before. The night started off good everyone was having fun and it was going pretty well. By 11.30 I was completely smashed drunk, just being annoying and obnoxious, behaving in ways I wouldn’t normally sober. There was a guy at the party, let’s call him Jack, I didn’t want him there particularly, he’s never given me a good impression and has a history of acting very strangely and badly. His friend let’s call him Gordon, is friends with my boyfriend and brought him along with him. Anyway around that time in the night Jack fell over and smashed through our window and took the whole thing out. Everyone came rushing over and me being completely drunk decided to yell at him to leave and pushed him out the door. I don’t totally remember what I was saying but I just remember being pretty aggressive and mean, to the point where other people were commenting on me being really upset. Then later in the night I was hanging out with Gordon and another friend of my boyfriends and was trying to play fight them. It wasnt serious fighting but I was still trying to push them and slap them for some ridiculous reason. I remember them laughing at it but I was just being so idiotic, like that is not something I would normally do at all I’m not sure what came over me. I feel completely shameful about my behaviour, I can’t believe I acted so ridiculously. This is the worst hangover anxiety I’ve felt in a long time, I don’t know how to deal with it. I want to apologise to everyone I was being so crazy around but I’m also so embarrassed that I don’t want to draw attention to it either. I’m looking on the internet for ways to deal with this shame, and trying to find other people that have felt the same way and messed up in drunken ways before. Writing this is making me feel slightly better but if anyone has any other solutions that would be very helpful

Hey. Last night I was so drunk and hooked up with 3 different people and was trying to hook up with other people too. This morning my friends told me what happened and I have no memory of it. I have blacked out a couple of time but never done anything this messy. I’m so embarrassed about what people are saying and I hope I didn’t make anyone uncomfortable. I wasn’t even attracted to the people I hoooked up with. Reading these comments make me feel a little better. I learn from this and I’m not going to drink for a while and if I do again i will not drink a lot.

The first time I ever got supper drunk an could hardly remember the next day with a bad hangover was just a couple nights ago during the after party to our company’s Christmas party. God, I’m really ashamed to admit that I do things that could totally get misinterpreted, even with good intentions, but I know better that boundaries will have to get set from now on. So first of all one of the coworkers out of the 5 of us who hung out in the after party has expressed interest of me in a sexually way completely sober a year ago, and he is a manger. But at the time I was very adamant we remained as friends and he was way older than me, I am in my 20s, he is well into his 40s. I told a close friend and coworker about it out of concern and she’s kept an eye on me when he’s around since. Gods though, if she wasn’t sober and another coworker of ours who is nice but tends to spread rumors weren’t sober I’d be scared of being alone with him. I was stupid and for some reason the two male coworkers in our group kept talking about sex and my stupid mouth would chime in like, ‘oh yeah I’ve done that’. Wtf, I’m horrified to admit that but sober me of course was nowhere to help me that night. I only found out from the two sober chicks who eventually brought me home, but not without one of the guys trying to kiss me, and supposedly I was giving one of them a foot message and creeping up his leg? Look, I’d message a home girls foot any day but a mans?!? Ugh, worse yet it was to the one coworker I was pretty scared to be alone with because I’m pretty sure he would have tried something and my brain wouldn’t have known better. Thank god though nothing but embarrassing conversations and awkward kisses were had but work will definitely be a bit stressful tomorrow, if you’re going to be irresponsible like me, please at the very least have people who will look out for you. It could’ve been way worse than it was, this I will have to deal with now everyday till maybe I find another job that isn’t a constant reminder. I’ve given away all of my liquor in the hose since and swore to keep a clean head unless I want to continue to be miserable.

I have had a few instances where I’ve gotten blackout drunk. My drunken behavior can range from super happy silly drunk to mean to promiscuous. The other night my bf and I went to a friends house. My bf wasn’t drinking but his friend is a big drinker and offered us a drink. I had a couple of shots and was fine and then his other friend came over. I kept drinking and eventually went past the point of no return. When my boyfriend was ready to leave I begged him like a child to stay. I was very loud and obnoxious saying “please baby I never get to go out”. He refused and when he wanted me to go to the car I ran from him, jumping his friends fence (three times), hiding from him behind the kitchen counter and wrestling him when he tried to grab me. We ended up getting into it pretty bad and yelling obscenities at each other in between our wrestling match. Mind you his friend had a baby sleeping in the other room. I didn’t want to leave so badly that I was kicking and screaming when he tried to pick me up and putting my feet on the walls and door. When I got home I called his friend and said we are coming back and going to go to the beach! I was blackout drunk at that point and luckily stayed home where my boyfriend took care of me. It was very embarrassing. I woke up to bruises all over my body and filled with regret and shame. I’m worried about how his friends view me now.

I am 21 years old and moved to a new country on my own just 3 months ago. Before moving away from home, I only ever drank with my family. And never over-board. I would never go out to drink with friends. Since moving to this new country, I have been drinking past my limit. The first time I went past my limit, I was with a new friend and we shared a couple of bottles of soju. She basically had to carry me home. I didn't black out and my mind was still in-tack, but I was incapable of walking on my own. The second time I went over my limit, I was at another new friend's house and I basically just fell asleep after drinking too much. After a few hours, I was able to walk myself home. Both times, my speech was completely slurred. However, this Saturday was the worst. And it is definitely my reason for never drinking again. The day started off nice and I was not even planning on drinking at night. I had gone out with my friend (the one who dragged me home after soju fiasco) and we were just exploring the city. She then tells me that she wants to meet up with 3 other friends and asks if I want to go drinking with them. So of course I agreed because I am sad and lonely in this new country. I rather be with people than be alone. We get to the bar and they have an "all you can drink" for 90min for just around $15. I did not want to do it but for some reason I agreed. Of course, I ordered the strongest drinks on the menu. I think I had about 3 Jack Daniel's cocktails, 3 sake cocktails, one tiny bottle of sake, and like 2 other drinks that I cannot remember. I was able to go to the bathroom before leaving, even though I was a bit wobbly. Thankfully, I was taking the train home with 2 of the people who went. I thought I could walk, but I couldn't even stand straight. I guess I somewhat blacked out because I cannot remember the 15min walk to the train station. Waiting for the train, I fell on my butt and the two friends had to hold me up. I wanted to stop talking but I couldn't stop blurting things out in 3 different languages. I could feel people staring at me but I couldn't control my speech. Then, one of the friends got off on his stop and I was left with one friend. I sat down next to an old man on the train and my friend stood next to me. The second I sat down, I knew I was gonna throw up. I really tried holding it back but with the swaying of the train, it was no good. I threw up all over my hands and just looked down on it, not sure what to do. I felt bad for the guy sitting next to me and wanted to apologize but now I couldn't even speak. Some kind lady came up to my friend and gave her wipes and a bag, and my friend cleaned my hands. I then threw up again into the bag. Although I can't remember anyone's faces, the train was full of people and they were all silent. I am a foreigner living in a monocultural society, so I stand out regardless of what I do. After throwing up in a train at 11pm, I am sure they were all watching. I hope no one from my work saw me. My friend was kind enough to walk me home. I apologized to her and thanked her the next day. She cleaned up my throw up and took me home so I really do admire her kindness. When I got home, I just quickly threw water on my face, took off my contacts, and changed into pajamas. I woke up around 7 times throughout the night to throw up. I was throwing up until 9am. It was really bad. I did not know I could get to that point of drunkenness, but now I know I am not invincible to the consequences of alcohol. I just feel embarrassed, not because a bunch of strangers saw me, or because maybe a coworker could've seen me, or because my new friend saw me like this, but because I know have to live with this memory of myself. I can't imagine telling this story to my future husband. I called my mom and sister, but I didn't tell them about how I threw up in the train. Even so, they sounded very disappointed in me. It is just so embarrassing that I let myself get to this point and threw up on public transport. Today, I cried after trying to make myself feel better about what happened. It is extremely difficult and isolating living in this new country, but I now know I do not want to seek refuge in alcohol anymore. I only drink when I go out to feel an emotion that is not sadness or loneliness. I don't even really like the taste of alcohol, Coca-Cola tastes better to me than any sort of alcoholic drink. I will not be drinking again. I am making this promise to myself.

I went out with friends on Saturday. It started with a girls dinner and then we met up with our guy friends after. I had had a particularly stressful day and was feeling a bit anxious already. I started with a pregame at one friend’s house doing a couple tequila shots. We ate dinner and I had two martinis. Not the wisest decision. I also think for some reason when I’m around everyone in my friend group and we are bar hopping my mind switches to binge drink mode. That’s what we have done much of in the past. I rarely binge drink now or get blackout drunk anymore so I felt extremely anxious and hungover the next day. After dinner we went to a bar and took lots of Jell-O shots and I just randomly started crying for no reason. Not making a scene or anything but still. Embarrassing. The night is spotty though. I remember going to another bar and signing up for karaoke but it was too late. I’m thankful that we left before I got a chance to sing. After the second bar we went to a friends house and continued drinking. I remember having an u comfortable conversation with a friend and spilling too much. Getting too personal and sad. This is pretty out of character for me but I’m going to take it as a sign to reach out to my therapist. This never would have happened had I not drank so much but I was already feeling kind of low so it definitely didn’t help. Anyway I know my conversation with said friend left a bad taste in her mouth as she thought I was insulting her. I just feel so embarrassed because we were supposed to be celebrating and I really killed the mood with my belligerence. It’s been two days so I’m not feeling as much self loathing but boy was yesterday rough. Sometimes I wonder if I may have a problem because I do love a drink.

I recently just turned 21 and have been regularly drinking since 15. The last two years I have been drinking so excessively I black out almost everytime. When I do I behave horribly and seem to turn into a different kind of person. I lie badly, I get touchy with people other than my boyfriend, I get loud, start fights, scream, and just act like a fool. I’ve read that personalities do not alter with alcohol so the guilt is so great on my shoulders….
My boyfriend and I went to a wedding for his family last week. And we already got a message ab how I made his brother uncomfortable because I tugged on his pocket and lied ab us liking each other in childhood. I also talked to his mom in the bathroom which ended with me in tears and angry at my boyfriend when he had done nothing wrong…. I’m so embarrassed about my behavior and so scared of what text messages will roll in next over the next few days and weeks. It’s definitely not the worst I have behaved but it was a horribly inappropriate place to get as blasted as I did to not remember anything. I sincerely tried so hard to pace myself and drink plenty of water. But every time I promise myself and everyone around me I won’t get crazy again and every time I fail. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to say no to alcohol or why it’s so hard to not drink until obliteration. And I’m so scared that deep down I am this deceptive crazy non-committed person. I’m hurting for myself and for my boyfriend, he’s my favorite person in this world and I feel like I let him down again.

So i am 42 and been a functioning alcoholic basically my entire adult life. Usually drink anywhere from eight to fifteen beers probably about three nights a week. usually just at home on the phone with a couple single girls i know. When im in a relationship i tend to curb that down for the most part but recently me and my long term gf broke up and i have been in the dumps. Well i went out last night with a couple long term friends i hadnt seen in a while. Went to a local bar we were having fun drinking, playing pool and chatting. I was getting pretty loaded toward the end of the night but was having such a good time i decided to stay when they were going to drop me off at my house. Big mistake! I told them i would uber home and was probably there another hour and a half drinking talking to random strangers, flirting with a couple girls. I dont think i really did anything terrible while i was there because i remember about everything. But by the time i left couldnt even figure out how to work the uber app on my phone so i just figured i would walk home. about 2 miles. Somewhere on the walk home at a little after midnight i trip and hit my head on the sidewalk. I am balding so i shave my head completely. Other than that i get home fine and go to bed. Wake up with this big scrape on the top of my head and it looks rediculous. I have three days before i go back to work, praying it will some how heal by then. I feel pretty stupid today and thought this would help. Thinking of getting some makeup to try and cover the scrape before going back to work. Not how i intended to start my long holiday weekend. I really need to stop drinking to say the least. Its when i have the most fun times but always the times i put myself in the worst or imbarrassing situations. Knowing myself, in a week or so the scrape will be gone, last night will be a distant memory and ill be right back to over drinking. such a shame

I have had a quite confusing relationship with alcohol, almost like a love/hate one. I don't drink very often because i'm not that old, but when i do, i can't seem to stop. I hate it, and i feel so bad for my friends after we go out. I'm struggling a bit with something that happened one night... I got black out drunk, and idk why but apparently some guy and i kissed (when i heard the story, it sounded like i took the initiative). I haven't seen him since and i also didn't know him. I really regret it, because i also have lost my best friend because of it. (He had a crush on me before and didnt take what happened that night well at all.) But now im just feeling really confused, because he is 27 years older than me. Could have been my dad kind of old... I'm pretty sure he wasn't as drunk as me, and i feel that he is partly responsible as an adult. But i blame myself. I know that it is my fault, but i also feel like i've lost my trust in (older) men. Im 99% sure that he was the one behind a recent friend request, because i usually never get those and i didnt know the person at all. I looked up his name, and he has a family and a wife. His oldest child must be around my age. I feel like i possibly ruined a marriage... I don't know how to feel or what to do.

Drinking with my family and friend at a party, my sis and her boyfriend were there too, I have 10 years on them but the other folks are double my age so i hung out with them as a cool older brother. I cannot drink like them but i tried anyway.. shots, sh1t mixes, wine, beer. It was awful. Things were good.
But at the end of the night everything went south. we were chilling outside and i could see my sis just wanted to go to sleep, I don't remember what he said, something like "sit and stay", i immediately saw red and rushed round the table to sit next to her, i told her to go to bed and then sat in her seat. Context: she (my sis) has severe abandonment issues, self harms when hes not there, threatens suicide and has attempted it before, she is a shell of the girl i grew up with but she is getting much better. throughout the evening he was slapping her (uncomfortably hard) and barking orders at her like some animal, i just had enough. I spewed some of the cruelest scariest things i could muster from me, in an attempt to scare some sense into him, it was like i was possessed. What a mistake. He started recording my monologue seemingly just after i had sat next to him (without my knowledge) my sis then rushed out and took his side, and they both started shaming and goading me into saying some proper horrible things, even challenged me to a fight which i am SO glad i walked away from, when she came out and jumped in with him i had no idea what to do. The next morning he sent the recording to my mother. The recording is terrible, it is the worst version of me imaginable. The whole thing is like a nightmare I can't wake up from. There is a lesson here i have yet to learn.

This past weekend, I was with my maternal family, they went to sleep, I just couldn't sleep, and therefore I drank a full bottle of whisky and some beers,,,I was so drunk to a point I couldn't walk or stand, I fell, embarrassing myself and almost hurting myself. my mum and her sisters (my aunts) were also present, I believe they are very disappointed in me, my cousins maybe a little but I don't know how will i face my aunties after this ordeal i created. some of my cousins had to pick me up and hold me to walk.

Just this weekend I had my aunt over to the house for the first time for her birthday weekend and it was a disaster. I don't usually drink vodka, but I bought it for her and I ended up drinking way too much on Saturday into early Sunday morning. My boyfriend has a habit of bringing up past issues we have had when we have company or in a group setting, knowing I don't lie it, but he does it anyway. This one story he talked about with my aunt, he already talked about with two other groups in the past month, even though we discussed it and dealt with it. I was furious and argued with him because he wants to bring these things up just to be right, he doesn't care how it makes me feel.
So I drank more because I was furious. And around 1am Sunday morning, I went to the washroom and fell back against the toilet tank and broke the tank. Water spilled out and seaped through to our ceiling below, causing some water damage. And a little dripped to our neighbors place below us.
I am taking ownership and doing everything to fix it, and have decided to stop drinking completely. But it is important for your significant other to be supportive as well. We talked about everything the next day calmly, but he stills rubs it in my face. I am well aware of what I did and feel bad about it, since it also happened in front of my aunt, who is like a mother to me. I know I did a bad thing, but I don't believe in making someone feel worse than they already do. Show support for those you love and help them through the situation. We feel bad enough as it is.

Hey y'all, reading these drunken horror stories is a bit comforting to me, knowing I'm not the only one!
I have been a hardcore alcoholic for a long time. I am 32 years old and I have lost several jobs due to drinking. I have spent time in jail for DUI, and paid tens of thousands of dollars on drinking and its consequences.
You would think I've learned my lesson, but NO! I keep messing things up! While I have improved drastically with my drinking, I've learned that complete and total abstinence is my only option now. Unless I want to die or get arrested.
I used to get drunk every single night, but now I am taking better care of myself and drink 1X per week max. Convincing myself that all my hard work and personal progress deserves a fun night at the local saloon. I mean I used to guzzle whiskey by myself, so the thought of a few beers with friends/coworkers seems totally normal, right? WRONG!
Once I have a single sip of beer, wine or whiskey, I will keep drinking into oblivion, and I have dozens of scary brownout/blackout stories. But now I would like to share my most recent horror story, hopefully my final painful lesson with alcohol.
So I do seasonal work, which means that I travel around the country to live and work for a "season", usually Summer and Winter. Each seasonal gig lasts about 4-5 months, although every place is different. Right now I am in a small town in North Dakota. Well I started off strong! Exercising instead of drinking, sticking to a healthy daily routine, getting along well with my coworkers. I hadn't felt this great in a long time, which means I let my guard down in regards to alcohol. I convinced myself that I could handle a night of drinking. That I DESERVED a night of drinking. Ugh.
Anyways, all the employees go out for "Ladies Night" on Monday nights. We go to the local saloon, where the ladies drink for cheap. Most of the workers are international people from places like Romania, Poland, Bulgaria, France, Dominican Republic and Mexico. I am one of the few American dudes here, but let me tell you, I have a thing for Spanish speaking women. And the Dominican girls are my favorite, one of whom I have a huge crush on.
So Im really excited for Ladies Night because my crush is going to be there. And since Im pretty shy and introverted, i always think that a few drinks will make me more fun. Well a few drinks turns into pregaming with a pint of whiskey. So Im pretty much wasted by the time I even get to the saloon, where of course I continue to drink.(and I don't have a vehicle. plus this town is so small that you can easily walk everywhere. so thankfully no DUI behavior) At first, I still feel pretty composed, chatting innocently with girls and guys alike. But after I start downing beer (and remember, I drank like a pint of whiskey before hand), I start losing my inhibitions. I get aggressive. I remember going straight up to my crush and saying something flirty in Spanish. But at the same time, Im browning in and out of consciousness. Next thing I know, this big scary looking Hispanic dude is giving me a dirty look. And having been working out recently, and sloshed, I feel pretty cocky and fearless. I square up with this dude, probably talking all kinds of trash, egging him on and what not.
Well the next thing I remember is waking up on the ground with blood trickling out of my month. This guy knocked me out cold, right in front of all my coworkers. Talk about embarrassing! I had some other cringe worthy interactions that night, and being blackout drunk means I don't remember most of it. I think that is the absolute worse, when you black out and don't remember. I have done insane things in this condition, like pull knives on people. I turn into a scary monster. And I fear thats what i did! SO the next morning, I called out of work, although everyone knew it was because I was hungover. I couldnt bear to show my face, which was swollen and aching at that! And the thing about seasonal work is that everyone lives and works together in close quarters. There is like a fishbowl affect in which you cannot really get away from other people. I contemplated just up and leaving, thats how bad I felt. But I decided to man up and face the consequences, look people in the eye and apologize.
Thankfully a lot of other people were pretty drunk that night too, so it wasn't as big of a deal as I thought.
But gosh, I am done with alcohol. All I do is LOSE when I drink. Whether I lose money, friends, respect, or jobs, I sure as hell don't gain anything. Just lose lose lose. And Im done